Arrival of Our Twins & Departure of Our Sweet Baby Girl Alexis

As most of you know, we went in for our routine 35 week ultrasound Friday. Everything looked great for our son, Nathan. He measured big and had a great heartbeat. When we went to check our daughter, Alexis, she was measuring smaller than we expected and we didn't measure a heartbeat. We thought that was strange but the ultrasound technician sent us to a room without telling us anything (they have to wait for the doctor to do that).

As we waited I had this overwhelming feeling that something wasn't right as we have always seen and heard a heartbeat. I immediately prayed that whatever news we heard, God would be there to comfort us. I really just thought that maybe she wasn't growing as good and that we might have to have them early since we had discussed possible things that can warrant earlier delivery. When the doctor came in, she said, "I have some bad news." Immediately my heart sank. She said, "Baby B doesn't have a heartbeat and has passed away." At first they said it was Nathan, but I knew Baby B was Alexis. We were in limbo for a minute, but we found out it was definitely Alexis.

I immediately cried uncontrollably. I was completely overwhelmed with grief. I have to say that in the 9 years I have known Lee, I have maybe seen him shed a few tears a handful of times. To say he was overcome with grief is an understatement. We discussed going ahead and delivering Nathan. I will say that even though I was overwhelmed and my heart ached, I knew that God had His hands on Nathan and that everything would be great with him. Lee and I called our family and wept in the room until we could compose ourselves enough to leave and head home to get our stuff so we could head to the hospital.

We got to the hospital and they monitored Nathan and he was doing great - great heartbeat, very active. They scheduled my c-section for roughly 5:00pm since I had something to eat at 9:00am. The c-section went beautifully. I kept focusing on Scriptures that were encouraging. It took a while since I have had a c-section before and had a good amount of scar tissue, but at 5:45pm I heard the greatest sound in the world, Nathan crying. Immediately came the tears. At that point I was still hoping and praying that maybe the tech was wrong and I would hear my precious Alexis cry. Needless to say, I didn't. The nurse came and told me that Alexis was beautiful and looked just like Nathan. Lee brought Nathan over to me and I got to love and kiss on him. He is so beautiful and I believe he looks just like Daddy's baby pictures. I opted not to see Alexis at that time as I knew that would be too much to handle while still finishing up my c-section.

We got everything finished up and I went to my room under the impression that Nathan would be in the NICU until 10:00pm (4 hours for observation). Well, he was doing so great that he came out in about an hour. I was thrilled. I couldn't wait to hold and kiss him. Lee and I had some time with him and then Luke came in and then family came in in groups. It was amazing having this precious heathy baby boy and enjoying him with our family.

Lee and I wanted to see Alexis and hold her and let our family have some time with her before we sent her to the morgue, but she didn't look good and it was too much for me to take, so I only saw her for a quick second and they went ahead and took her. I want to remember her from the sweet ultrasound pictures and active kicks in my belly for the past 35 weeks. They did give us a box with her footprints and some of her special items (blanket, hat, bracelets). I know we will cherish it forever.

That night went really well. We had Nathan go to the nursery for a few hours so we could sleep and he could be well taken care of. He was eating about every 3 hours (he was taking formula). We are working on nursing, pumping, making bottles, and giving him formula. He is doing really well. He had an APGAR of 9 and the only thing he has had a tough time with was his body temperature regulation, but we got that under control. He is so beautiful. I can't stop looking at him.

I am doing great. This c-section is nothing compared to the last one I had with Luke (I think not laboring for 26 hours might be part of that). I have been able to get up and sit in a chair. I got all the hospitally stuff off (IVs, etc). I was on a liquid diet until last night, but I got to have a yummy dinner tonight.

We are just so thankful for our God, our family, and our friends. God is everpresent and will take us through this. Our family is amazing and is always here for us. Our friends are incredible and their messages have been so encouraging. We appreciate all the prayers, comments, and support. We can't express it enough.

Here is the Scripture I've been meditating on (thanks Krisanne!)

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you." - Isaiah 43:2

1 Month from the Babies' Birthday

Well, if the babies and I can hold out until my 38 week c-section date, October 22nd, 2010, then that makes today 1 month from their birthday. Either way it means that I have no more than 30 days until I get to meet my precious baby boy and girl. In some ways it seems like it has gone fast (like when I think I only have at most 4 weeks to go), but in some ways it has seemed slow (waiting for check-ups and ultrasounds, not being able to do as much so the days go slower).

Either way, I know that everything is on God's timetable. He gave us these babies at the right time, He gave us two babies for a reason, and He has a perfect plan for me and the babies. Whether they come in the next couple of weeks (before term), they come after term (36 weeks), or they come on their c-section date, I know God has His hands on them and will make everything work together for the good (Romans 8:28). I am so thankful to have made it this far with virtually no problems. He has given me a peace the whole time that I would make it full-term and have healthy, hearty babies. I know that many have been praying and I believe with all my heart that God not only hears, but answers our prayers.

Please just continue to pray for my health and safety during the pregnancy, for the babies to grow perfectly, for full-term healthy, hearty babies, for a safe delivery and smooth recovery, and for a smooth transition once we get the babies home. To God be all the glory, honor, and praise for these blessings!

32 Week Doctor's Appointment

I had my 32 week doctor's appointment today and it went great. I gained 2 pounds in 2 weeks for 28 total which I am very happy with since I have 5 1/2 weeks to go (if I make it to my 38 week c-section) and am aiming to gain 30-35 pounds. My blood pressure was great. I got the flu shot. I measured 40 weeks so I grew 2 weeks in 2 weeks. I am glad I am not measuring more than 8 weeks ahead. I guess that means if I get to 38 weeks, I'll look 46 weeks pregnant. ;) The babies heartbeats were great - don't know the exact numbers, but Alexis' heartbeat was faster than Nathan's.

We talked about what happened on Saturday and she said she really thinks I was just dehydrated since I responded to the medicine and fluids and have been fine Sunday. I am not on modified bedrest anymore (PRAISE THE LORD!) I will be taking it easier and definitely hydrating so I don't have another incident. She seems confident I will make it since my cervix is as good as it can be even for a non-pregnant woman. I really hope so.

That being said, we talked about my scheduled c-section. I asked for her input and we went through all the scenarios. Both babies are head down so I could attempt a VBAC if they stay that way. She gave me all of the possibilities - 1) I could labor and have a successful VBAC, 2) I could labor and have no progress, 3) I could have one baby vaginally and one c-section if they both didn't cooperate, or 4) I could just go ahead and have the c-section. Since I was in labor with Luke for 26 hours and was jacked up on pitocin and never dialated past 5cm (even though that doesn't mean I couldn't labor easily this time) and I've had a c-section and know what to expect, I am going to go ahead with a c-section (even if I do go in labor on my own). I am not down with being in labor for a day, having a c-section anyways, or having both a vaginal delivery and c-section. She seemed to think that was a good choice.

My next checkup will be in 2 1/2 weeks on October 1st (Friday). I will be having another growth ultrasound that day. I can't wait to see the babies again. It's crazy to think that the next time I go, I will be 3 weeks from my scheduled c-section date. It's going faster now even though some days (and nights) feel really long.

Eviction Date is Set

My OB's office called today and let me know that they've scheduled my C-Section date. It will be October 22nd (Friday) at 1:30pm. I will be exactly 38 weeks that day. I am praying the babies stay in until that date, but who knows. It's just nice to know that I will be having them no later than that date.